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Thursday, 28 January 2010

day 1 | without .....

13th July 2009 - 26th January 2010


friendship, memories,and good times

As I sat there in the Viewing room at the exact place where we talked about mr footlong and all, I nearly cried. Its like flashback, flashing our conversation and the paper scribbling sessions.

How foolish i was thinking that our friendship will last till death part us away? :(

how can I not see this coming??how blind i was to be fooled?? how fool I was?

I was surprised that You said only girls tagged along.
And i thought we are different from other typical men??
Was I being fooled?
Did that girl question freak you out?
Are you scared that your popularity will drop when people sees you with me?
Are you damn bloody too hot to befriend an ugly,obnoxious,nerdy, and fat guy like me??!!
Am i such pain in the ass?
Do you hate me for who I am?
Am I just a bet that you put with your Goddamit-friends?

I should had put a full-stop wayyyy earlier.
You know what, you had just killed Harris.
You had just send him to the graveyard.
and his kin wanna say thank you for doing that..

now I'm Rayyan Haries Aaron Davis
I am untouchable
I'm worthy
I'm Hard-cold
I'm back to asexuality.
i'm secretive
I'm super sensitive

and don't touch me!
and don't shit me!
I had enough!

ps: im not mad, im just insanely and absurdly mad...
2nd ps: tho we are now apart, be sure that all your god-knows what secrets will remain shut in my brain. i hope you do the same too!

3rd ps: if i still curi2 look a you,,,,it means i still tak boleh let go all the memories. forgive me 1st! it doesn't have to mean anything..

and most importantly:

don't die, losing me is just another routine. This is your opportunity to look for more friends like you said you wanna do*i'm the barrier here*. and thank you for being such a great and fun friend. So,i say see ya at school mate! and its true, mates don't shake hands, eat lunch together, and sit besides each other in class coz they are just mates! bonding is only for sissies i guess?? don't feel bad, its the ordeal.

i know the reason why I'm still malaysia

4 years ago when I entered my boarding school I prayed to God:

"God, thank you for putting me away from my family, I hate them so fucking much! and I hope that you will send me far from Malaysia so i can be as far as possible from them."


after I graduated from High school, God gave me Shah Alam which is a 10 minutes drive from my house. I didn't realized it then!

After my UK application got rejected,again I was given a place in KL. And now I'm staying with my FAMILY. How fucking incredible is that?? Isn't God awesome?, He wanted me to fix my relationship with my family.

that's the reason why I'm still here!

and God,i promise you I'll do my utmost best to fix my relationship with my family. and I hope once things clear up, You'll grant me my ever-wanted Dream-UK!

and I know You listen! thank you for the herald signs!

i'm thankful..

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

i give up....

  1. mr. optimistic
  2. mr. nice-goody boy
  3. mr. hey friendship
  4. mr. i have to pretend im straight whereas i adore penis!
  5. mr: i have to take care of my friends feelings
  6. mr. heaven kinda look...
  7. mr. I'll be your biggest supporter

  1. Mr. hey im gay! do you have a problem with that?
  2. Mr. I speak English and only English...go fuck other languages!
  3. Mr. do I have to care bout your feelings?
  4. Mr. I don't care.
  5. Mr I hate the Gov. tho i'm in it!
  6. Mr. I don't like friendship because the ship that is carrying my FRIENDS is FULL...
  7. Mr. If you are English illiterate, go drop your face down the toilet bowl coz you don't deserve to be in my league..Fuck ya!
  8. Mr. I hate most of my current lecturers coz i think they are dumb-stupid and asshole..
  9. Mr. I am who I am
  10. Mr. if I think you are not good enough,its true!
well,,,,times up for being good,nice,,,and all. 2010 is the time to bitch around and don't you dare to mess around with me coz i'll strip your meat off your bone!

Tuesday, 19 January 2010


I have always been a slow walker...

and now its eating me...


it causes love to thrash!

I'm the slow walker.....
and He hates it......
and He mumble bout it.....
on how He wanted to go early to class and I kinda slow Him down..
and i accidentally got mad...
and i fired up..
causes Him to walk away from me..
.just because I'm the slow walker..

and i guess I created the problem in the 1st place.. :(

Monday, 18 January 2010

I love you...Man

I do.


in love..

::I love you 349427::

i don't know if you love me back?

do you?

Saturday, 16 January 2010

whatabout and whereabout

life is getting crazier
much about nothing actually; just mentally and physically exhausted;

been thinking too much bout trifles lately
which im suppose not to do..

still in love with the same guy; though i know that he will not love me

:::I hate french/france keyboard;exhausting to write::

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

This time of the year....

mr alter-ego*the writer*:

Well,,,i guess coffin doesn't suit me that I rise again..hahaha

As written above, at this time of the year many people will be so passionate to change and to move on in life. Many people are amending the way they live their life; for better they said.

For me; my divine intervention believe grew stronger rather than in the previous year. Some of my wishes and hope came true and some not. Before this, it's hard for me to accept the fact that certain things are not meant for me but this year around; i wanna change that!

some things seriously are not meant for me though i keep believing it is good for me, and I believe God has His own reason why.

As I walk down the aisle of my life,
i make believe that
I am to live to die.
scary as it is,the truth indeed.

rambleshack: as a teacher trainee is absurdly suck!!!

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

bang me hard!

rambleshack say:

bang me hard baby,
coz i aint cushion,
im rock.

mr alter-ego*the writer* say:

sorry, mr optimistic is sleeping dearly in the coffin box right now.Im not sure when he'll wake up.

Friday, 1 January 2010

The new chapter | 2010

Happy new year peeps!!


The day to wave goodbye to my most precious teenage years.....The day to say hello to adulthood.....The day to a life changing transition........And the day to embark to a year long betterment........Many more to come and in store for me myself and all of you out there in 2010.......

alter-ego*mr.writer*: new year resolutions and aims coming soon.....

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